Disclaimer: This is my tribute to all the narcissistic men (for more accurate terms, we will call them boys) who lack any ounce of empathy, follow urges of dissatisfaction for self-centered reasons, choose a path of betrayal or live a life of infidelity –cheaters.
A Fraudulent Intent
It all started with the kiss…
When she leaned in, it was almost as if she could feel the poison set in; maybe it was the mystery that drew her in, the lust or even her feelings of dissolute. Either way, there was something that kept her coming back for more.
Time went by, memories were made and the relationship grew. Before long, she had found herself taking him home to the ones she loved most, looking at trinkets to compliment her ring finger and wrapping her every thought around an idea or illusion of him – “the one.”
Everything seemed a little bit brighter and meaningful with him by her side. After a previous relationship had shattered her inner core, she had finally found a way to give herself to another person. Slow down or take a step back…why would she? When he looked into her eyes, there was no way, what she was feeling, didn’t parallel his intent.
But with every relationship, times were tough. Of course, she struggled with her damaged trust, trying her best to let him mend the wounds of a previous lover. But oddly, for some reason, she could still feel the sting of the last.
She asked herself over and over again…“If he is the one, why do I struggle throwing my caution to the wind? Isn’t that what you are supposed to do when cupid strikes?” But, her gut told her different. Like they all say, “Ignorance is bliss,” and she just didn’t care. This temporary high was too great to break the chains he was holding on her heart.
He worked too much, had a slightly different direction, but more importantly, seemed to be withholding a part of himself. Late nights at the office, busy schedules and the distance between them seemed to take quite the toll on these desperate lovers.
When he finally found the time out of his busy schedule to pencil her in, the time they shared was nothing less than magical, or so she thought. He looked into her eyes and told her she was nothing less than a princess, beautiful and everything he had ever wanted. Or maybe, he was just convincing himself?
As time got closer and closer, the excitement of seeing her prince charming, her superman, had almost seemed unbearable. Alas, she would get a taste of everything she had been missing. The day had come, as she sat at work waiting for his flight to land, everything seemed to remain at a stand still.
Until… Her phone rang…
The number read blocked. Annoyed with the mystery of that call and the knot within her stomach, she answered the phone.
“Hello, please don’t hang up,” alleged the strange voice on the other line.
“Yes?” she curiously replied.
“Is he with you? I am so sorry to tell you this, but I am his girlfriend of five years. He lives in Florida with me, not Nashville, and for some frightful reason, I knew I had to call this number I had found in his phone.”
Sitting there without any words to fill the silence, the past year and a half they shared began replaying in her head.
How could this have happened, how could she have been so deceived by one person? This whole time she had thought she was sharing something special with him, it turned out to be a lie and he was nothing more than a stranger.
Stripped of her dignity, he indeed had used her for his own self-seeking disposal. And just like that, he walked out of her world, without warning and moved on to his next unfortunate play toy. Everything she had thought they had, was shattered like broken glass.
As for her, it seemed as if she would never bounce back from being a victim of this cold case love. The days went by and she could still feel the sting of the pain. But, she painted a smile on her face anyways and went on with her everyday – this time it was different – she found herself in a state of numbness. A prisoner to her anesthetized heart, she forced herself to live half alive.
Mornings were hard and nighttime was even worse. The radio seemed to haunt her damaged heart, playing every song that reminded her of him. But every day, she got stronger – even on her toughest days – she got a little bit stronger.
Yes, he had put on quite a show and fooled everyone, but the girl he had held back would prosper and flourish into a stronger and wiser woman. Her skin would get thicker and she would learn to follow that gut feeling she had so ignorantly ignored.
In the end, she didn’t have to get her revenge or wonder why he had never apologized for having his way with her heart. She would walk away from the man, comparable to a heartless mannequin, with her head a little bit higher and her smile a little bit brighter.
Like a flower that blooms in adversity, she grew into the most rare and beautiful of them all. Deserving of the world, she knew, she was nothing less than a fighter. He just wasn’t man enough for her.
"Not giving him an hour, second or another minute longer, she was busy getting stronger." Finally, not sad at all, she lived her life laughing even harder.
Why? Because see, ones that "run around leaving scares and collecting their jar of hearts," end up deceiving themselves. Like said by the famous Roman author, Titus Livius, “A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.”
He, not her, would miss out on what love could truly bring – a lifetime without loneliness, but full of happiness — and this time he could do it — alone — without dragging her heart along.
So, Guess what babe? You lost me. I've grown too strong to ever fall back into your arms.
— C. Ann
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